Healing Tea Read online

“And you aren’t like most mothers, and Evelyn isn’t like most babies.”

  “I know, but it still worries me.”

  “My mother would tell you what you worry the most about is what you draw to yourself. Morgan never worried about having a good husband and father for Jordan, and she and Liam are doing really well. Liam has never been so happy or so centered, Jordan is flourishing, and Morgan finally has someone to help her with everything.”

  “Morgan never worried because she never really expected to find someone.”

  “Neither do you.”

  “True enough.”

  Teagan and Jessie showed up right on time. A.J. made it home right behind them.

  Dinner was great. I did fried chicken with everything that goes with it. We all ate too much, which was okay, because Teagan brought ice cream and cookies for dessert instead of Sin. She said she got to the bakery too late, and they didn’t have any left.

  We sat around the table and talked and laughed, and it felt like old times.

  At one point, Teagan said she’d been poking around on the Internet and found some unbelievable stuff on a site called “Ecstasy.”

  Suzi laughed and said. “I live alone with no prospects. I’m not sure I want to hear about this.”

  Teagan turned bright red. That’s unusual for her, which just made us laugh all the harder.

  “Ecstasy, you know, that site where they sell all the handmade stuff.”

  Suzi’s eyes lit up. “Oh, you mean ETSY?”

  “Yeah, that’s it.”

  “I used to shop there all the time. Then I read this thing that said that sometimes their stuff isn’t handmade, or if it is, it’s handmade in some foreign country, so I decided not to shop there anymore.”

  “I found a great person on there. I think it’s knitbySharon. No spaces. I saw a couple of other ones that were spelled almost the same, so be careful if you want to check out the place I bought from. I emailed back and forth with the owner. She’s from Canada. She’s really, really nice. I think what sold me was that she had the prettiest little pink dress on there.” Teagan smiled at Jessie. “I bought it. And I checked, the shop owner does all the work herself.”

  I couldn’t help it. I rolled my eyes. “What’s with you and finding long-distance clothes makers?”

  “I like what I like, and if it’s really good quality, I will go to the ends of the earth. Literally!”

  Tonight was like old times. The very fact I had this thought at all underscored for me how far I’ve gotten away from who and what I really am. A couple of years ago, an evening like this one wouldn’t have been considered a relief or a major accomplishment. It would have been considered Wednesday. No more. No less.

  When everyone had left, A.J. said he needed to make a few phone calls.

  I decided to take a nice bath with smelly good stuff.

  I picked a nightgown I haven’t worn in forever. I’m not even sure A.J. has ever seen it.

  It’s made of chiffon. Pale, pale pink. I think it is from the eighties. Basically, they took the chiffon, lots of it, and gathered it around a tie made out of chiffon. That became one side. Then they did it again, and that became the other side. That makes up the shoulders. So it’s like you have a bunch of chiffon gathered at the shoulder with a tie that controls how tight you want the gathering. Then the chiffon flows down the front and back. In the front, it flows to about six inches of elasticized lace — same color — that has three little buttons. In the back, it flows under the elasticized lace, but is not connected to it, and then all the way to the floor, ending in a little train. In the front, it pretty much ends at the lace that comes right up under the breast, which ends just above my waist. All what’s holding it all together is the three little buttons. It looks very Grecian when you’re standing still, but when you walk, because of the train, the front is kind of pulled to the sides, and you see that it is only held by the little buttons. Actually, what you see is the very high-cut panties that are made out of the same elasticized lace as the waistband.

  It’s hard to explain, but it’s really beautiful.

  I was in the kitchen when A.J. came out of the office. He’d been so busy taking notes at the desk that he didn’t pay any attention to me when I walked down the hall.

  The smile on his face made my heart flutter.

  “You look great.”

  “Thanks, I feel great.”

  “May I?”

  He led me out to the living room, and we danced. For a long time. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed me, too. Thank you.”

  “Thank me? For what?”

  “For waiting until I found my way back home.”

  “I will always be here for you, Cara.”

  It was a good night. Very good.

  I spent the next few days attacking life.

  I attacked my house, cleaning everything within an inch of its life.

  Then I attacked Suzi’s house. She’s been so busy with life and Evelyn, she hasn’t really been able to keep up with everything. She’s not much of a housekeeper anyway. She keeps it livable, but messy.

  I got a lot done for Adeline. Spent some serious time with her grandson, Christian. I haven’t spent much time with the other grandkids living in her big house, but it’s just a matter of time. They moved in just about the time everything went wrong in my life.

  Adeline has been so patient with me. If I’d had to work a regular job when my mother died, I’d be unemployed for sure.

  I went to the cemetery. I brought a Pepsi and a blanket, and I sat on the grass and talked to my mom.

  Instead of comfort there, I felt really lonely. Mom always said she went to the cemetery because she felt closer to the person she’d lost. Not because she thought they were at the cemetery, just because she felt the cemetery was a place that was quiet. You were focused on being close to the person you’d lost, and people pretty much keep to themselves there. Life doesn’t get in the way at the cemetery, love.

  I had a nice, long argument with myself about that stupid trunk. I was finally feeling like me again, and I didn’t want to mess it up by dredging up old issues. Then again, maybe because I was more like me again, now would be the perfect time to confront my fears.

  The answer was no.

  The reason I know the answer is no is because when I sat down on the floor to move the glass I keep over the trunk, so that I can use it as a table, my dad called.

  “Are you busy, girl?”

  “Not at all. What’s up?”

  “I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

  “Anything.”

  “I got a call from that young man today. The one that is dealing with all of it about the crash. It brought it all back to the front of my mind, and I have decided that sitting here by myself is not good. I thought maybe you could go to the store with me. I would like to make a few changes in the house, and I would like some help picking some things out.”

  “When?”

  “Whenever it is best for you.”

  “I can be there in fifteen minutes.”

  “I’ll have the kettle on.”

  I dialed Teagan. “I need help.”

  “What?”

  “Daddy wants to change the house around, and he wants me to help him pick stuff out.”

  “Okay.”

  “I can’t do it alone. Mom hasn’t been gone that long. Why is he changing things?”

  “It’s his house, Cara.”

  “I know, but I can’t do this. I never thought he would actually change anything. Everything has been that way since we were kids.”

  “Mom got new stuff all the time. She got rid of stuff all the time. Dad has to live his life, Cara.”

  “I know, but I’m not ready. Can you come, too?”

  “I wasn’t invited.”

  “I just invited you.”

  “Well, maybe Dad doesn’t want me there. Maybe he has something in mind that he wants to do with you, and I’d be the third
wheel.”

  “You can’t be a third wheel with your own father.”

  “Cara, don’t be such a baby.”

  “You’re whacked-out, too. You keep calling me Cara. You’ve said my name, like, thirty times since I called.”

  “Okay, I’m a little freaked out. Probably why I don’t really want to go with you guys, but I will. When?”

  “I said I’d be there in fifteen minutes.”

  “I’m not really dressed. We were working in the backyard.”

  “I don’t care. Get moving.”

  Teagan showed up about ten minutes after I did, which was fine. Daddy and I were sharing a nice cup of tea and hadn’t even talked about the changes yet. I kept doing a mental checklist of everything in the house so I could remember it the way it was supposed to be. With my memory, there are no guarantees, but it had been this way pretty much my whole life, so I should be able to remember.

  Teagan was so good when she came in the door. She faked it well enough that my dad wasn’t sure if she just happened by or if I’d called her. He didn’t pursue it. That’s good.

  I made another pot of tea, and we chatted. About the garden. About his new volunteer work. About his friend Aldo, who is now spending a lot more time with Daddy, which is good, but I think it is starting to drive Daddy a little crazy. Daddy has never been really social. Mom was his world. He didn’t need or want anyone else.

  “I’ve asked Cara to help me with a little shopping. Would you like to come along, Teagan?”

  “What are we shopping for?”

  “Just a few things I would like for around the house. I’ve looked but couldn’t find what I want.”

  “Daddy, it would help if we had a little more detail. At least we would know what store to go to.”

  “Oh, I have that much figured out. I think our first stop will be The Container Store. We will see how it goes from there.”

  The Container Store? Did Daddy keep some of Mom’s ashes? What did he need at that place?

  Teagan drove, and Daddy insisted that I sit in the front seat. It’s possible Daddy was just being polite, in which case I would normally insist he sit in the front. But it was more likely the thought of being in the passenger seat was too painful. After all, Mom was in the passenger seat when she died. I decided to just keep my mouth shut and let it go.

  We got to the store, and Daddy pulled out a list.

  “First, we’ll need a nice glass container. I would like to put the flowers I gave your mother on our first date in there and put them on the mantel.”

  I took a deep breath. I wouldn’t cry. “Do you know what size?”

  He showed us with his hands.

  We went up one aisle and down the next.

  Teagan found the perfect container in the kitchen stuff. It wasn’t meant to hold flowers, I’m sure, but it was pretty and simple, and Daddy said it was just the right size.

  He had several more items on his list. Containers for some things they collected in Ireland. They even brought back some peat, which I’m sure is against every kind of law there is. Daddy insisted it is sealed in plastic already, so there isn’t going to be any bugs or yucky stuff contaminating anything because of him.

  Teagan was great. “So, we’re looking for something to hold some Irish dirt and make it look nice?”

  “I don’t know that I would use the term dirt, but, yes.” Daddy laughed. It made everything easier.

  “And I have a rose from her casket. Seamus saved it for me.”

  Teagan smiled. “Dad, you have two. I saved one for you too.”

  I took a breath. “Me, too.”

  We ended up going to a home décor store. We got a beautiful glass bowl and a matching plate. When we got home, Teagan showed Daddy how she would arrange Mom’s flowers. She grabbed some flowers from the yard, arranged them in a beautiful bouquet, used some floral foam she’d purchased and stuck it all together. Then she used some gunk and stuck the floral foam to the plate and put the bowl over the top of it.

  I was surprised, but it really is pretty.

  “When we do this for real, with Mom’s flowers, I’ll cover the foam. Either with some ribbon or maybe put some sand in there.”

  “I’ve some beautiful fabric shamrocks that your mother and I bought while we were in Ireland. They are very realistic looking. I think maybe we should use those.”

  “That would be beautiful, Daddy. Where are you going to put them?”

  “On the piano.”

  “Perfect.”

  “I’ll not create a shrine to your mother. She would want none of that, but there are a few things that I would like out and about. The sight of them makes me smile.”

  “I think it’s really nice, Dad.” Teagan gave Daddy a hug. “Anything else we can do?

  “Not a thing.”

  “You want to come over for dinner?” Teagan beat me to the punch.

  Daddy smiled. “I think not.”

  Teagan played dramatic. “I promise I won’t kill you. I’m getting better. I have a really nice kitchen.”

  “That’s like saying if you have a nice camera you can take a good picture.” I nudged her. “You are both welcome to have dinner at my place.”

  Daddy smiled. “I’m sorry, but I have plans for the night.”

  Teagan and I responded together. “Plans?”

  “Yes, plans. I’m going to go out to dinner, and then we may go out to a movie. I’m not sure yet.”

  I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. Be thrilled — since happy men live longer — or be crushed — since Mom hasn’t been gone very long.

  I decided to apply my new approach.

  I didn’t say anything. I waited for Daddy to fill in the blanks.

  “Jordan is coming over. He called me today. Thought we might have fun.”

  I pouted. “I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day, although I will admit I’m a little bit jealous. The last couple of times I’ve called to ask Jordan out, he’s been busy.”

  “I guess I’m a more appealing date.” My father smiled from ear to ear. It made me happy from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.

  “I bet you are, Daddy.”

  When I got home, I was in a great mood. Things were looking up. I decided to cook a good meal, take Evelyn for a walk so Suzi could have a few minutes to herself, and introduce Evelyn to the ducks in the water retention pond. Then A.J. and I could have a nice evening. Maybe he could show me what he’s been working on at the studio. I really haven’t been paying much attention to that kind of thing lately. I could show him what I’ve been working on for Adeline.

  I decided on breaded pork chops for dinner. We both like those, and they are so easy. Just coat them in some egg, dredge them in breadcrumbs with some salt and pepper added to it, and pop them in the oven. I know that a lot of people add all kinds of spices and stuff, but I like to let the flavor of the meat shine through. Mash some potatoes, some veggies for A.J., maybe some garlic bread. We’re good.

  I texted A.J. to see what time he’d be home. It would be late. Probably about seven. He asked if I wanted him to pick up something on the way home.

  I refuse to fall back into that habit.

  I told him I had dinner under control, and I was going to go for a walk with Evelyn if she was available. Take his time.

  I know you can’t really feel relief over a text message, but I felt it from A.J. He worries about me. Doesn’t like me to be alone too much.

  I texted back that I’d had a great day with my Dad and Teagan, and I’d see him when he got home.

  Suzi was gracious enough to lend me her daughter.

  Evelyn is a smiley baby. She loves to look around, and everything makes her happy.

  We could learn a lot from kids.

  I stopped at the mailboxes and checked our mail.

  Two of the tall shops are having sales. I buy a lot of my clothes online so I can get a thirty-six-inch inseam. If I’m wearing any heel at all, I need it.

  How
long has it been since I bought any clothes? I went kind of crazy there for a while, but it might be time to invest in a couple of things.

  Maybe I should have the woman who makes Teagan’s clothes make some stuff for me. Teagan swears it isn’t all that much more expensive. The dollar is holding up pretty well against foreign money, right? We’re almost back to dollar for dollar.

  I know Teagan went to a seamstress and had all her measurements done, and then the lady over there just makes stuff.

  I better gain back the rest of my weight before I do that, or everything will be too small by the time it gets here.

  It’s amazing how you can have all these thoughts and still coo at a baby and point out the clouds and the birds and the way the leaves are moving around. Probably because I’ve always been around babies. I had lots of brothers and sisters, and some of them were younger. Most of the time when we took on babysitting jobs, my mother would have us babysit at our house if there was a baby involved. She used to say it was so that she could get her fill of baby, but everyone knew that she wanted to make sure we knew what we were doing before taking on the responsibility of an infant. I find the company of a baby very relaxing. Even when they are in a mood. I don’t find it frustrating and annoying when they lose their sense of humor. I find it comforting, because in my world, that means they trust me enough to share their problems with me.

  If my wee little brain can turn a crying baby into a good thing, I should be able to get myself back to being happy all the time.

  I’m just sayin’.

  When is the last time I said that?

  For a while, Teagan was beginning to whine that I said it all the time. I guess some changes are for the better.

  SEVEN

  I WILL ADMIT it. I was sitting at the computer in the office, pretty much falling asleep at the keyboard instead of doing the work I was supposed to be doing, when I got a text from A.J. asking if I was busy. I really wasn’t. He asked if I would go look at something with him at about three. I could do that.

  I had about an hour to kill, so I started looking around on the Internet. I ended up on the ETSY site Teagan was talking about. The one she told Suzi to check out.