The Tea Series Page 8
Now we all had a problem. Being excited for Sinead’s news after being neutral about Maeve’s.
How do you get excited about news like Maeve’s?
It is exciting that she has found someone to love, but it’s a little late to come up with a comment about that, or she’s going to feel worse than she already feels.
I’ve learned in the last few months to keep my mouth shut under such circumstances.
Unfortunately, not everyone in the family can say the same.
Teagan jumped up and gave Sinead a hug.
Morgan followed her.
Maeve just kind of melted into the background.
Now that I thought about it, she’s done that a lot in life.
I just never noticed.
How much of a crappy sister am I?
When everything calmed down, what it all came down to was that we are all happy for Sinead. The timing on the baby might not be ideal, but a baby is always a good thing, and Sinead and Howard will be great parents.
Several of the women in the room questioned her decision not to get married right away. She stood firm and actually sounded very grounded and mature.
Valerie and Sinead compared due dates. They won’t be far off.
That’s two out of three.
That’s something else to worry about.
Everybody left at about the same time. Teagan stayed behind. She said she was going to help me clean up.
I figured she was going to tell me that she is number three in the pregnancy three.
Instead she said, “Jessie and I are done.”
“Done? What do you mean?”
“I mean done, dingleberry. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Can’t do what?”
“Can’t do the long-distance thing. I love him, but I seem to spend more time alone than I do with him. He is on the road for work all the time.”
“I’m sorry. You guys seem so perfect together. I assumed you’d get married and have kids and live happily ever after.”
“Me too.”
“How’s he doing?”
“He doesn’t know.”
“What?”
“He’s on the damn road. I can’t tell him over the phone. He gets home tomorrow, and I’ll tell him then.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. Why did you even ask that?”
“It just seems weird that you told me first. Maybe somewhere in the back of your brain you were hoping I’d talk you out of it or something.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think so. I’ve thought about nothing else for weeks. What good is a relationship if you never see each other?”
“Seems to have worked for Valerie and Seamus for a long time. I’m not saying that everyone is the same. I’m just saying that maybe you should be talking to them. They know how to do a long-distance relationship and make it work.”
“That’s a good point. Of course the minute she got pregnant Valerie quit her job, and since she was the one who did most of the traveling, that means they won’t have a long-distance relationship anymore.”
“True, but you don’t know how that transition is going. Everyone assumes they know what is happening with them. But think about it. If we were betting on it, would we have bet that Seamus and Valerie were actually longing for a baby? I always thought they were blissfully childless.”
“Me too. I do not want to be blissfully childless, and I can’t see any way that I could have kids with Jessie gone all the time.”
“What does he say?”
“We’ve talked about it. More than once. He says that there are several places that we could live that he wouldn’t have to travel, but they are all so far away from family. I’m not sure that would be any easier.”
“Teagan, you know I would never want you to move away, but if you are in love with Jessie and you have to move to create a life with him, then maybe you should think about that.”
“I have thought about it. I keep coming back to two thoughts. If I’m willing to give up Jessie to stay around family, what does that say about me and Jessie? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”
“Jessie give up family to be around you? His family is local.”
“No, dingleberry. Shouldn’t I be willing to give up living close to the family so that I can have a life with the man I claim to love? I’m not stupid, Cara. I know you can’t have everything your way in life. I know that things don’t always work out and you have to make hard decisions, but when I think about it, and I have to choose one or the other, the family wins, and doesn’t that mean that I shouldn’t be with Jessie at all?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s helpful.”
“I’m just trying to be honest.”
“So, answer this one. If A.J. said that he needed to move to New York for a great opportunity, what would you say? Would you go with him? Would you try to make it work from here? What would you do?”
“He can work anywhere.”
“That’s not the question. Say one of the big magazines called and offered him his dream job. He decided to take it. What would you do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Answer the question, Cara.”
“I honestly don’t know. The first thought in my head was that New York is too expensive and it snows there and all that kind of stuff, but if you put all that aside, and he really was going to go, I think I’d try long distance for a while, and if we couldn’t do it, I’d at least go to New York and see if I could do it. See if I could find a job and live so far away.”
“Really?”
“I think I would. God, I hope I never have to make that choice, but I really think I would.”
“See, and I can’t say that about Jessie, so doesn’t that say that I shouldn’t be with him?”
“Two big differences. The first one would be that I’m not really in that situation, and until you are in a situation, you don’t know what you would really do.”
“That’s true. What is the second difference?”
“I’m not you.”
“But, Cara, you are the big family person. You are the one who cooks the dinners and makes all those stupid baskets, and you are the one who remembers our childhood as perfect in every way. You would do anything for this family, and if you were willing to follow A.J. to New York, what does that say about me and Jessie?”
“It says you and Jessie aren’t me and A.J.”
“Would you stop saying that?”
“No. You can’t do this, Teagan. You can’t make a decision this important based on anything or anybody but you and Jessie. If you can’t deal with being away from him, how are you going to deal with breaking up with him?”
“It’s like ripping off a bandage. It hurts, but when it is done it is done. The way things are now, it hurts over and over and over again.”
“I’m not saying that Jessie is the only guy that you can love, or the only guy that can love you, but this just feels wrong. I can’t figure out why, but it feels weird, like there is more to this and I’m missing something.”
“I gotta go. Thanks for a great evening.” Teagan shook her head. “If I had known all this stuff was going to hit the fan tonight, I never would have suggested that we get together this evening.”
“I wonder how it is all going to go over when Mom and Dad find out that everyone in the family knew before they did.”
“That really is the least of the problems that everyone has to deal with, Cara.”
“I guess.”
“Sometimes I have no idea how your brain works.”
“Me either. I’m gonna go take a shower and see if I can figure out what I think about all this stuff.”
“Does it matter?”
“What?”
“It sounds like Sinead has already made her decisions, and she is strong enough to stand by them. There is nothing we can do about Maeve.”
“Do about?”
“You know what I meant.”
“I’m not sure I do. What do you really think about her announcement?”
“I’m surprised. Nothing about Maeve screams lesbian.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean. Cara, you are being so politically correct you can’t even allow yourself a moment to think about how hard this is all going to be. On Maeve. On Mom and Dad.”
“Mom and Daddy aren’t going to have a problem with it.”
“They aren’t? Cara, Mom and Dad are really old-fashioned.”
“They don’t mind that you and I are basically living with the guys in our lives. Okay, I am. You still have your apartment even if you are never there.”
“Are you really that stupid?”
“I can’t believe you just called me stupid.”
“Mom and Dad are not going to say anything against the guys we love, but they sure as hell aren’t okay that we are living with them. They just choose not to say anything derogatory about it.”
“That’s not true.”
“Sure it is. Don’t you remember when Seamus married Valerie? Mom said that she had very strict rules for herself when it came to the people that her kids married. She would never interfere. She would never take sides just because she gave birth to one of the people involved. She would only give her opinion when she was asked for it, and even then she would only give it once. She would help if she could but only when asked.”
“Yeah, so?”
“It applies to all of our relationships. She may not say anything to Maeve or Sinead, but that doesn’t mean she is going to be happy about it.”
“When she found out Suzi was pregnant she said that it was a good thing. Supported her one hundred percent.”
“And she will say the same thing about Sinead.”
“But it’s not true?”
“It isn’t that Mom and Dad will be disappointed in them or anything. It is that they are the parents and they will worry. They are old-fashioned, and they have their own opinions and biases. Haven’t you paid attention at all? Have you ever heard them say anything supportive about equal rights for marriage and all that stuff?”
“Well, no.”
“Don’t you find that a little odd?”
“But Troya has a gay roommate, and whenever anyone says the slightest thing about it, Mom jumps all over them.”
“Cara, grow up. Mom isn’t going to let anybody say something stupid or rude or heartless. That doesn’t mean she approves.”
“So you think Mom and Daddy are going to have a problem with Maeve?”
“They love Maeve, and they will accept her decision…”
“It’s not really a decision.”
“Don’t make me worry about my words when it is just the two of us, Cara. You know exactly what I mean. Mom and Dad will be supportive of Maeve. They will invite her girlfriend over for dinner, and they will treat her with the same dignity and respect they do everyone else, but don’t believe for a minute that means that Mom and Dad are accepting of any of it.”
“That’s not good.”
“You mean that’s hypocritical?”
“Kind of.”
“It comes back to your biggest question in life.”
“When am I going to win the lottery?”
“Cute, dingleberry. The whole thing about one superseding the other. When does Maeve’s right to be in a happy relationship publically supersede Mom and Dad’s right to the belief structure they’ve had all their lives.”
“This sucks.”
“Yep.”
“I never really thought about it. I just one hundred percent assumed that Maeve would tell Mom and Daddy and they’d give her a hug and tell her that they’d always known and they love her every bit as much as they did before.”
“They will love her every bit as much as they did before. That doesn’t mean that it is going to be easy for them or that Maeve won’t know how hard it is on them or that there won’t be any problems. Nothing is seamless. There are going to be some really ugly moments. I hate to think it, but I would bet lots of money on it.”
“Crap.”
“Sorry, dingleberry. And as far as Sinead, Dad is going to have a big problem with that one. Sinead is the youngest, she is still really young, and she is his favorite. He still sees her as his fishing buddy, and she’s pregnant. She hasn’t known the guy all that long, he is young and still in school, and God only knows if he is going to stick around. It’s all going to kill Dad.”
“Crap.”
“Then I won’t even mention Morgan.”
“What about Morgan?”
“Didn’t you watch her at all?”
“She looked normal to me.”
“There is something going on there.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. She’s just not her normal self.”
“Jordan did say that Liam and Morgan have been acting weird. I don’t think he gave me any details. Just said that he thought they were keeping something from him, and that he thought it was bad.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him not all secrets are bad. Santa isn’t bad.”
“Gee, that must have been comforting.”
“He took off with A.J., and it never came up again. It was just a quick comment while I was making breakfast.”
“Well, we’ll find out soon enough.”
“I wish Mom and Daddy would just come home so all this would get figured out.”
“Cara, why is it that you believe that Mom and Dad can fix everything? As much as I love them, and you know I love them more than life itself, Mom and Dad are just human like the rest of us.”
“Bite your tongue.”
“You’re one sick woman.”
“I know you are kidding, but I’m beginning to think you might be right.”
“You should see someone about that.”
“I am. Remember?”
We spent the next half hour discussing the fact that I was seeing a counselor and couldn’t decide if I was going back. According to Teagan, I’d have to be a total idiot not to go back. You can’t accomplish anything in one visit. She was so insistent about counseling that I asked her if she was seeing a counselor.
“Don’t be silly, dingleberry. I am not in need of a mental health professional. That’s your weakness, not mine.”
“Very funny.”
“That’s what I was going for. Maybe Jessie and I should get couples counseling.”
“Would he be open to that?”
“I doubt it.”
“Why not?”
“Guys like Jessie, with jobs like Jessie’s, don’t cop to mental health issues.”
“Couples counseling is not a mental health issue. It is a training class for having a happy and healthy relationship.”
“That’s a good way to phrase it. Maybe I’ll talk to him about it. You ever thought about couples counseling with A.J.?
“Hell no. We aren’t that pathetic.”
She left still laughing. It had been a really emotional night. Better to laugh than to cry.
SIX
“CARA, I’M GLAD you decided to come back.”
“Thanks. I was going to book an appointment sometime in the next couple of weeks. I really didn’t expect you to suggest today.”
“I had an opening, and you sounded a little stressed.”
“A little? Then I’m doing pretty good.”
Vicky is a good counselor. How do I know that? Because I called her first thing in the morning, the day after my whole reality fell apart.
I’m trying so hard to believe that my core beliefs are solid and that everything happens for a reason and that my family is what I have always envisioned my family to be, but current events suggest that not only do I see the world a little differently than other people, but that I’m nuts.
Vicky listened.
She took a few notes.
She handed me Kleenex. Several times.
She wa
ited patiently while I came up with the specific ways I wanted to phrase things.
When I was done telling her everything — everything from the crazy cop who was after me to the mystery surrounding Bernie and what was in her trunk to my family being something wholly different than I thought it was to my fear that Teagan is giving up everything, mostly Jessie, to be a stereotypical O’Flynn when I’m not even sure that there is such a thing anymore — she thought about it, and then she had the audacity to tell me that as far as she can tell, based on what I told her, there is nothing wrong with me or my family.
Can you believe it?
I finally get the courage to tell everything, and it gets me nowhere.
What she said was that I need to deal with the trauma of the whole Barry thing. I need to be an active part of the process. Some people can sit back and allow the professionals to take care of everything, but I’m not one of those types of people, and by not even knowing what is going on, I’m driving myself crazy.
She didn’t say crazy; that is my word, but it is the right one.
She asked me a whole bunch of questions about my past. Things that had nothing to do with anything. I was getting frustrated. I want to deal with my current problems. I want to get everything fixed. I want things back to the way they were when O’Flynns spent every Sunday evening together and we didn’t have all this stuff between us. When Teagan and I talked every day. When I knew what my mother’s reaction would be to anything and everything and people didn’t look at me like I’m an idiot when I said what that reaction would be.
Vicky said I need some closure.
I shut her down quick. I don’t believe in closure. I believe that you learn to live with difficulties, you learn to deal with sadness and loss, but there is never any closure.
Vicky allowed me my little hissy fit; then she explained that what she meant is that I seem to be a person who gets things done. I finish what I start. I haven’t been doing that for months and months. I get something going, then I get another thing going, and I don’t finish any of it. Keeping all those balls in the air — her phrase not mine — is what is driving me crazy.