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I called my mom. It’s really hard to tell your mother that you might have placed the whole family in danger through your own stupidity.
Mom was quick to point out that I’d done nothing wrong, that I was doing a favor for a family friend, and it wasn’t my fault that someone had tricked that friend.
It made me feel better, only because nothing bad had happened yet. If someone in the family was hurt, I’d never forgive myself.
I tried to call Steph, maybe some legal advice would be a good thing, but she was in a meeting. I left a voicemail, saying that Jerkface had gained entrance into my apartment, I wasn’t sure how, that my neighbor had run him off, but that I didn’t know where he went, and that I was a little more than a lot worried.
I freaked myself out thinking about Jerkface showing up at my brother’s wedding. If he ruined it for them, I’d never forgive myself.
I had a long talk with myself. What’s all this crap about me never forgiving myself? I didn’t do anything wrong. This isn’t my fault. Why am I taking responsibility for the actions of a person I have no control over? That’s just stupid.
I’ll take responsibility for what I do, but I’m not going to take responsibility for what Jerkface does.
I walked into the kitchen to put on the kettle, right about the time that my pork chops all but burst into flames. I’d completely forgotten about them. All the liquid had cooked out of the electric skillet, and the pork chops were doing a really good imitation of shoe leather.
Crap.
I threw my once beautiful pork chops in the garbage, filled the skillet with water and added a couple of drops of dish soap, turned it on simmer, and let it clean itself. This time I remembered to set the timer on the microwave so that I wouldn’t ignore the skillet and burn off all the liquid a second time.
I texted AJ, still no answer, and since my neighbor had planted an evil little seed in my brain, I sat and daymared - that's like a daydream but a bad one - about AJ being locked up in a basement somewhere being tortured simply because he lived with me.
I talked myself back to sanity, or as close to sanity as I get. There are no basements in Florida; our water table is about six inches down. Of course, that doesn’t mean they weren’t holding AJ somewhere other than a basement, but really, what is the likelihood of that? And the truth is, basements do exist in Florida, they are just rare and expensive, and what are the chances that a rich person is going to grab AJ?
I took a deep breath.
I made myself a quick cup of tea. When I’d finished that, I set another to brew while I changed my clothes, yet again, since it didn’t seem my clothes were going to dry any time soon.
I tried AJ again.
My neighbor texted and said there was nothing to report.
I decided if I didn’t hear from AJ by sunset, I’d call my brother, in his official capacity as a cop, and ask if the police could do something.
I tore the apartment apart looking for my emergency key.
No luck.
I put the apartment back together.
I called Eddie Wacherson, a locksmith, to come change the locks on my door. I was probably supposed to have the apartment complex do it, but I trust Eddie, I’ve known him since we were kids, and I didn’t want to deal with the front office of the complex; since the place has been taken over by a new management company, the office staff sucks.
Eddie offered to come straight over, I told him tomorrow would be fine.
I couldn’t call Teagan.
Steph hadn’t called me back.
I was officially worried about AJ.
I couldn’t call Morgan.
The apartment was clean, so I didn’t even have anything to scrub. It was a low point, that’s for sure.
My phone was in my hand. I was just about to hit the call button, having already chosen my brother from my contact list, when AJ banged on the door.
I ran, undid the stupid maid lock, and let him in.
“How did you know that stupid lock would be on?”
“It’s always on when you feel threatened or paranoid, and your voicemail made you sound both.”
I might have snapped at him a little bit, “If you knew that why didn’t you call me back?”
“I just got your message when I was at the mailboxes. I figured it would be just as quick to park the car and come in. What’s going on?”
“You scared the shit out of me. I’ve been calling and texting you all day long and you never answered.”
“I told you I would have my phone off all day.”
“When did you tell me that?”
“When I texted you this morning.”
“I didn’t get it.”
“The text?”
“Yep. I kept calling and texting and I was really getting worried, especially after all that happened this afternoon. Why would you turn your phone off all day?”
“I was in the hospital.”
“Oh Dear God. What happened? Did he get to you? Are you hurt? Did he hit you? What happened?”
“Who is he? I went to visit my grandmother today and she wasn’t looking very well. I decided to bring her to her regular doctor. They took one look at her and decided she needed to go to the hospital for an IV. She didn’t need an ambulance, but she did need a ride, so I brought her over and sat with her while they did the IV. Then we had to wait around to see if that worked. It didn’t. She’s going to stay over night. I just came home to change, grab a couple of things and head back over there. I’m gonna hang out with her tonight.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yes, just dehydrated, but that can be dangerous at her age. They said it was a screw-up in her medications, or the way she was taking them.”
“You want me to go to the hospital with you?”
“No, I think we’re okay. She’ll fall asleep, I’ll sit in the chair and read and then I’ll fall asleep. We’ve done it before. No reason for you to come, it’s cold and uncomfortable and boring. I appreciate the offer though.”
“Can I fix you something to eat while you’re in the shower? I started some pork chops but got sidetracked and burned them. I could fix you a sandwich.”
“That would be great. I hate hospital food. I hate hospitals. I’ll go take a shower. Be back out in a few.”
I went to the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards for the equivalent of a school lunch to send with AJ.
I made two sandwiches, put chips in Baggies and found some fruit. I added a bunch of candy, thanks to Teagan’s calorie orgies of a while back.
By the time AJ came out of the bathroom, I had it all packed in a Sephora bag, hoping he wouldn’t mind carrying a makeup company’s bag into the hospital. Since it was the only bag I have that was the proper size and had a bit of structure, it would have to do. Besides, who would want their sandwich squished by putting it in a plain ol’ grocery store plastic bag when they could have it unsquished by carrying a bag with some structure?
I stopped arguing with myself long enough to make another sandwich, grab a soda and some chips, and slap it all on the table just as AJ came toward me, looking good and smelling better.
He sat at the table, wolfed down his food, and thanked me repeatedly.
He gave me a little more detail on his grandma’s status, but no new insights, grabbed the bag without any hesitation, kissed me good-bye and left.
I put the maid lock back on. I thought about spending the night at my parent’s house but decided if I was bait, I would be bait alone.
I went to the kitchen, was cleaning up the mess I’d made, when the knocking on the door damn near gave me a heart attack.
I rushed to the door; resolute in not allowing anyone in unless they knew the five-finger signal, looked out the peephole, and saw AJ. He must have forgotten something.
“What the hell?”
“What?”
“You almost got killed and didn’t tell me? What the hell, Cara?”
“I didn’t almost get killed, I just had a
scary moment. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“You have to go. Your grandma’s in the hospital.”
“Well, she’s there for observation more than anything else, and she has other people there to look out for her, you don’t. I’m staying here.”
“You can’t do that. When my grandma was in the hospital, the nurse said that they try their best to take perfect care of everybody, but the truth is, that people that have family there all the time get more attention. You need to be with your grandma. I have the maid lock on and everything. I’m fine.”
“How about you go stay with your parent’s or with Teagan?”
“I thought about that, but I’m not going to put them in danger, no matter how slim the chance.”
“Then you admit that there’s a chance?”
“Of course I do, I’m not stupid.”
“Then I’m not leaving you alone.”
“What? I’m supposed to be your shadow until all this gets straightened out?”
“No, I’m supposed to be your shadow.”
“I can’t do this. I can’t keep you from family. You know how I am. Family is the most important thing you have in life. How about if I go with you? Your grandma doesn’t know me, and nobody wants to be sick in front of a stranger, but how about if I go to the hospital and I’ll hang out in a waiting room or something, they always have TVs and I can bring a book, we’ll figure out something better tomorrow.”
“That could work. She’s supposed to be out of the hospital by tomorrow morning.”
“Good, then I’ll bring my car so that you can take her home in the morning.”
“No, you’ll take your car and think that you can talk me into letting you leave, or worse, you’ll sneak off in the middle of the night. One car.”
“I can’t believe that you think I need your permission to do anything at all. You aren’t my father. I have a very good father of my own.”
“Ya know what Cara, I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to fight about something that has nothing to do with the problem we’re trying to work out. It isn’t about me telling you what to do. It’s about you being safe. If the situation were reversed and you thought that I was in danger, would you want me out running around, or where you knew I was safe and you could put your eyes on me any time?”
“I’ll get a jacket and another bag of junk food.”
“Thank you.” And he kissed me. The kind of kiss that’s more likely to keep you home for a while doing things much more fun than hanging out at a hospital taking care of someone’s grandma.
But that’s not gonna happen tonight. Tonight is a taking care of someone’s grandma night.
I ran in my room, changed into heavier yoga pants, a tank top with a long sleeved scoop neck t-shirt, some heavy socks and tennis shoes. Hospitals always seem to be cold, and once my feet are cold, all of me stays cold.
I ran to the kitchen, grabbed all the high calorie chemical laden goodies I could get my hands on, put them in a Coach shopping bag, thank you Teagan, grabbed my most comfy sweater and headed for the door.
If Jerkface was in the parking lot, we didn’t see him.
AJ explained to me that he was on his way to the car, when my neighbor asked how I was holding up. He was less than amused that he didn’t know anything about it. I told him that I’d fully intended to tell him everything, but then his grandma was sick, and a sick grandma trumps a loony cop.
We agreed to disagree.
When we got to the hospital, I was fully expecting to keep my side of the agreement and find a nice quiet waiting room. When my grandma was in the hospital the whole family was there all the time and I’d found several spots to escape for a minute or two to try to regain my composure. I could find them again.
AJ invited me to come into his grandma’s room and meet her, and if I felt uncomfortable I could find a waiting room. He assured me that his grandma would not mind my being there.
She’s a tiny little woman. Seems all the women I know shrink when they get older.
AJ didn’t even have to introduce me. I took that as a good sign in the relationship department. She invited me to call her Nana, which seems kind of weird, I’d never met her or anything, but it was sure easier than calling her Grandma, because I’ve had two grandmas, both of them have passed, but I’ve never had a Nana, although I did have a Granny, but Nana is new to me.
My grandmother used to describe people as ‘a delight’. I never really understood the term, until I met Nana.
She has this really lovely, really wrinkled face. On her, those deep lines tell a story, and the story is that the woman has spent a lot of her life with a smile. She has blue eyes that sparkle, even in hospital lighting. She uses her hands when she talks, so the IV was causing her fits, but instead of being annoyed or angry, or even feeling sorry for herself, that, as she put it, her body is beginning to conk-out, she laughed. A wonderful laugh. A rich, full, from the bottom of your soul laugh.
Minutes after meeting her, I felt like I’d known her all my life.
Turns out everybody tells Nana everything, so not only did she know about me through AJ’s eyes, but his sister Suzi’s as well. She knew that I’d loaned Suzi money so that she had a place to live while she waited for her inheritance to come in. She said she was grateful to me for that. She knew that I’d been the one to stay up all night, every night, to talk to Suzi when her grandpa was sick and then died. She knew about my family, and my slightly dysfunctional need to have them be a part of my everyday, scratch that, my every moment life.
AJ snoozed in the chair while we talked about Morgan and the wedding, and how AJ had figured out how to get her the perfect dress. I told her all about Adeline and my suspicion that she didn’t have Alzheimer’s at all, but that there was some other problem. I told her that a long time ago I’d been told there was a basic test, can’t find your keys, no problem, don’t know what your keys are for, big problem. I know that’s an extreme over simplification, but what keeps poking at me is that Adeline is very well aware that she’s having these problems. Seems to me if she were really that far gone, far enough to need constant care, she wouldn’t be so aware of her issues, but I’m not a professional and I don’t really know anything or have any authority to do anything.
Nana agreed. She explained that one of the issues she has is that as she gets older some things just aren’t as important to her as they once were and her family, with every good intention, sees that as a cognitive issue, not one of choice. As many times as she tries to explain it, they aren’t listening.
AJ opened one eye at that point. Maybe he wasn’t sleeping after all.
We were shooed out of the room a couple of hours later. Nana was going to be examined and a lovely nurse said she was going to help her with a shower to help her relax so that she can fall asleep.
AJ and I went down to the cafeteria and shared a drink and fries. Seems there’s a new policy put in effect since I’d last been here. Healthier food and longer hours. Good to know.
I told AJ that if his grandma was still feeling poorly, another phrase my family drummed into my head at an early age, that I’d understand his not making it to Morgan and Liam’s wedding. It was, after all, just a few days away. He told me that there was no chance, unless something extreme happened, and everyone had assured him it would not.
We went outside and walked around the perimeter of the hospital just to get some fresh air. That’s always risky in Florida. It’s so humid that moments outside can leave you wilted at best, a stinky mess at worst.
Back in Nana’s room, she seemed completely rejuvenated, which was good and bad. Good because she looked great and reported that she was back to 100%. Bad because she seemed to be wide awake when the plan was to relax her so she could sleep.
She informed AJ that she would rest when she was dead.
He grimaced and went looking for a nurse for an updated report.
Nana leaned in all conspirat
orial like, and asked, “Cara, are you going to marry my grandson?”
I sputtered, “He hasn’t asked.”
“That isn’t what I asked you Dear, I asked if you were going to marry him.”
“I don’t know.”
“Cara, every woman knows. They know from the very beginning; then they spend the next months, or years, trying to talk themselves into or out of the situation that they know exists. My question to you is: Are you going to marry my grandson?”
“If you know from the very beginning, I’m in trouble, because I thought he was attracted to my sister, not to me.”