The Tea Series Page 26

  “Wow, for an optimist that didn’t sound very optimistic. Cara, you know I will help in any way I can.”

  “Just be patient. I’m sorry I threw the Teagan thing in your face. That was a really ugly thing to do. I’m ashamed of myself.”

  “Don’t go overboard. Shame seems a little harsh.”

  “Shame is a tool given to you by the cosmos or God to tell you that you did something that you knew was wrong, but you chose to do it anyway. It bangs on your head to remind you not to do it again. You have never been anything but kind to me, and I rewarded you with being an ass. That’s not okay.”

  “But I like your ass.” He wiggled his eyebrows all over his forehead.

  “I love you, you know. You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me. O’Flynns included.”

  This time it was just one tear, not the ugly cry.

  And it was from A.J., not me.

  Dear God, I love that man.

  FOUR

  “I KNOW YOU have meetings, but when you have time, can we talk again?”

  “I’ll make time. When?”

  “No, it’s not like that. I just want your opinion. You said some things to me, like the floating away thing. I just want to talk about it some more. Whenever. It’s not an emergency.”

  “How about we meet for dinner in Old Town tonight? I should be done for the day at about six. We could meet across the street in the diner if you want to do casual, or we can go down the block to the Cuban place if you want something a little nicer, or we can go to the steak house if you want fancy.”

  “How about the barbeque place?”

  “I’ll text you when I’m on my way. Does that work for you?”

  “Yep. Thank you.”

  He was kissing me goodbye when my phone rang.

  He didn’t even look toward it. “That’s Teagan.”

  “How do you know?”

  “‘Cause until she gets back from her honeymoon, things are gonna be a little intense. I’m gearing up for it. I hope Jessie is ready. And once your Mom and Dad get home, watch out. And when they find out about Sinead, it’s going to be over the top. Oh, can I ask you a favor?”

  “Anything.”

  “Can you check on Suzi today? She should be moving in. She’s having some furniture delivered.”

  “She can hang out here and wait. You want me to invite her to dinner tonight?”

  “I thought you wanted to talk.”

  “I do, but that can wait.”

  “No. We aren’t going to do that anymore. We’re just as important as everybody else. If there isn’t an emergency, other people can just wait.”

  “Deal.”

  “Good. See you sometime around six.”

  “Tell you what. I’ll invite Suzi over for dessert. If her furniture isn’t set up, she can stay in the guest room.”

  “Thanks.”

  The missed call was from Teagan. I called her back.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “I swear to God, that woman has smoked herself stupid.”

  “What?”

  “Honey. She called this morning. She has a new plan. Did you ever ask Roland if he would hire her? Tell him he’ll be my very best friend forever if he can find someplace to put her. I swear I won’t testify against him in court if the place he finds to put her has a one-way — ”

  “Roland isn’t a hit man, Teagan.”

  “But maybe he knows some.”

  “I haven’t asked him yet.”

  “You suck as a sister.”

  “I’ll call him, and I’ll call you right back.”

  “Thanks. I’m not working today. You want to do something?”

  “I told A.J. I’d check in with Suzi. She’s supposed to be moving in today. I said she could hang out here while she waits for her stuff to be delivered.”

  “How boring are you?”

  “What?”

  “Hang out there? Why? Give the people in the office twenty bucks, ask them to open the door for the delivery guys, leave a tip on the counter, and bring Suzi with us.”

  “I’m not sure that would work.”

  “Okay, then figure out something to do there.”

  “Like what?”

  “Oh my God, what happened to you? You’re so boring these days. I mean, you’ve never been all that exciting, but I kinda got my hopes up when you did the trendy hair and the beautiful clothes. Some of your clothes are actually better than mine. Well, my old ones at least. You need to break out of this mood you’ve been in since forever.”

  “I’m trying…”

  “Don’t even start with me. Just knock it the hell off. Cara, happiness doesn’t just happen to you; you create it. If you want to be happy, then, dammit, decide to be happy. You told me yourself that the counselor told you that you aren’t post-traumatic whatever and you aren’t depressed, so you are just in a mood, and if you are just in a mood, the only way to get out of it is to just get out of it.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “I said don’t start. You know what Mom says. When you say you’re trying, you have already given yourself permission not to succeed. For God’s sake, Cara, if you need to scream, then scream. If you need to cry — ”

  “I’ve already done that.”

  “Fine. If you need to beat the crap out of someone, I’m here for you. I’ll call Liam and tell him there’s free food. I’ll even hold him down when he gets there so you can beat him up, but, Cara, you need to stop this crap. It’s time to get past it. I’ve been patient. Damn near a saint, really, but I’m losing my sense of humor.”

  “Well, I guess that’s what’s important.”

  “Stop it. You have been out of control for a while. No, that’s backwards, you have been overly controlled.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I did some research, Cara. I know that it’s normal for you to have some difficult times after getting beat up. Worse than beat up, Barry tried to kill you, and I’ll give him this much, he came close. Your reaction to that has been normal. I checked. I don’t know much about all this stuff, but according to everything I’ve read you are right on track, but you have gotten stuck in crazy — ”

  “I’m not crazy.”

  “Are you going to let me finish?”

  “Sorry. Finish. Please.”

  “Cara, you went from normal — well, normal for you — to this ultra-conservative weirdo.”

  “I’ve always been a little bit conservative. I think of myself as a moderate liberal with conservative habits. I like having a savings account, and I like worrying about an endangered species now and then.”

  “Okay, leaving that simplistic view of politics behind, because you need more help in that area than I can give you, that’s not what I’m talking about.”

  “Then tell me, Teagan, what exactly are you talking about?” Okay, it came out a little crappy, but I’m so tired of everybody picking me apart. It feels like everybody gets to pick apart everything I say and do and I don’t get to pick back or I’m being unreasonable.

  “You keep throwing out all this weird stuff. Cara, Mom has become your personal ‘What Would Jesus Do?’ campaign. I even went along with it for a while. I actually encouraged it for a while. I was trying to be supportive. But now it’s just getting on my nerves. You’re taking the stuff that Mom said out of context — the stuff she said when we were five years old — and applying emotional steroids and claiming it’s all things O’Flynn. It’s not. And we both know it.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I just told you, Cara. Listen to me. Don’t argue with me in your head before I even get the words out of my mouth. Listen.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “I think this whole Barry thing has been harder on you than we thought it was, and I’m getting worried.”

  “I went to the counselor. She said I was fine.”

  “No, she said that you could work your way through it with
the help of the family. That isn’t the same as fine.”

  “So you really do think I’m crazy?”

  “Not crazy. Well, not the way you’re using the word crazy.”

  “Broken?”

  “I can live with broken.”

  “So, what am I supposed to do, Teagan? It’s like I’m lost.”

  “You could start by taking off those weird O’Flynn glasses. It’s like rose-colored glasses, but instead of seeing everything rosy, you see everything O’Flynn-ee. Remember how Grandma always used to say that about you? You were the one in the family who wore the rose-colored glasses. She used to say that you could find something good in everything.”

  “Yeah, I’m a regular dung beetle.”

  “Don’t be like that. You’ve always been O’Flynn crazed, but it’s getting a little ridiculous, Cara. And now everything is so twisted. It’s like you think that O’Flynns are all little clones of the perfect little Irish…” She searched her mind but she couldn’t even come up with the words, which made her all the more frustrated. I could picture her face. And her clenched jaw. And her clenched fists. Even with her in her apartment and me in mine and miles between us, I could see it all. That’s what happens when you have a sister. You can picture them. Perfectly. Sometimes that isn’t a blessing.

  “Cara, I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s just weird.”

  “I don’t think the family is perfect.”

  “Sure you do; you always have. That isn’t the problem. The problem is that until recently, even you understood that your view of things was your view. Like those nightgowns you always wear.”

  “I can’t remember the last time I wore gowns two days in a row.”

  “That’s probably part of the problem.”

  “Yeah, me and my weird fetish.”

  “I wouldn’t call it a fetish.”

  “You have called it a fetish.”

  “Yeah, but that was before I read that trilogy. I now have a better understanding of fetishes. You aren’t a fetishist; you’re just weird.”

  “Gee, I feel better now.”

  “Good, I’m here to help.”

  “So, what do you think I should do? You said I’m not crazy, but I am screwed up. How do I unscrew myself?”

  “I saw a concoction in New Orleans. Guaranteed to make you happy. He called it Happy Tea. The tea was a weird color, and it smelled funny, but if you pinched your nose, you could probably get it down. It’ll fix whatever the problem is. The guy said so. Of course, he said the little dolls by the door with the pins were another choice.”

  “I think I’ll stick to regular tea, thanks.” I was on the edge of tears but tried not to let her hear it. “Teagan, I’m serious. What am I supposed to do?”

  “Success breeds success. I think you just need to do the things that always made you happy before Barry used you for kickboxing practice.”

  “I thought I was.”

  “You just said it had been ages since you wore one of your gowns two days in a row. You used to do that every day.”

  “I know, but I had Jordan here, and I’ve been busy, and A.J. has been working late.”

  “When did the gowns become about A.J.? You wore them for you long before you knew A.J. And you’ve had a busy life all your life. It never stopped you before.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Of course I am.”

  “Sorry, I forgot. Note to self. Teagan’s always right.”

  “See, you’re better already. I’m on my way. Be ready.”

  “So what are we going to do? Let me call Suzi and see if she even wants to join us. I’ll call you back in a half an hour.”

  “No, we’re doing this the old Cara way. I’ll be there in thirty minutes. You will feed me. You will smile while doing it. We will go from there.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Actually, I’ll bring junk food.”

  “Sounds better.”

  “I’m on my way. Oh, and do you want your clothes back?”

  “Huh?”

  “From the water fight.”

  “No, you can keep ‘em. They look better on you anyway.”

  “See, you’re beginning to see things more clearly already. Sounding like the old Cara we know and love.”

  “Now you sound like Mom.”

  “Thanks. See you in a little bit.”

  I called Suzi. While the phone rang, my mind wandered to the whole “smoking herself stupid: comment Teagan made. I know it is ageist, but Honey is a bit on the mature side to be a smoker, isn’t she? And if she does, does she smoke a lot? And if she smokes a lot, does Roland test for such things? He must; he’s a security guy. And if I introduce Roland to Honey and he tests her for marijuana and she comes back positive, because to smoke yourself stupid, you have to smoke a lot and often, then what is that going to say to Roland about my choices in life, and what is he going to say to Adeline?

  Long story short, Teagan will be here in half an hour, and we’ll figure out what to do from there, but Honey is going to be a topic of conversation before this day is done.

  “So, Cara, what did Suzi say?”

  “She’ll be here in a little while.”

  “Are we just going to sit around and stare at each other?”

  “No. I thought that we would spend some time talking Suzi into allowing us to throw her a baby shower. It’s just going to be O’Flynns. Well, mostly. Suzi had a few friends from when she lived here before, but she’s not sure anyone would show up because of the whole Barry thing. When people found out about it they kind of backed away.”

  Teagan’s response actually surprised me. She hasn’t exactly been Suzi’s biggest fan since the whole Barry thing. “It isn’t her fault that Barry’s an idiot.”

  “Some people don’t know what to say; some people blame her for not turning him in or whatever. Who knows how people think? I think that mostly it is just easier to walk away than to work through it. Everything in life is disposable these days; isn’t that what you keep whining at me about?”

  “Okay, you’re going back to that dark, boring place. So, when do you want to throw a shower for Suzi, and where, and who?”

  “First let’s get the okay.”

  “But if we have an idea of what we’re going to do, then it’ll be harder for her to say no.”

  “How about here?”

  “Yuck.”

  “Why yuck?”

  “Because you’re going to do the same old thing, which is great if you’re an O’Flynn and you’re doing that whole O’Flynn-tradition thing, but she isn’t an O’Flynn, and she’s a single mother, and she doesn’t want to do the traditional shower from the nineteen fifties.”

  “You want me to call in male strippers?”

  “That’s a thought. A gross thought, but a thought.”

  “Funny.”

  “Let me think. If Cara was a single pregnant person, what kind of shower would I throw her? Think, Teagan, think.”

  “Cara, a single pregnant person? Why me? Why not throw yourself under the bus?”

  “Don’t make me hurt you.”

  “Fine, use Sinead; she is a single pregnant person.”

  “Yes, but I like her.”

  “You don’t like Suzi?”

  “Of course I do, dingleberry. What’s up with you?”

  “Sorry, but you are the one who said that you like Sinead, which made it sound like you didn’t like Suzi. Should have known that one was directed at me. Continue.”

  “We could do a sprinkle or a mommy party.”

  “Sprinkle I know about, but isn’t that usually for a second or third baby? This is Suzi’s first baby. What’s a mommy party?”

  “Cara, open your mind. Rules are made to be broken. We can have a sprinkle if we want one. A mommy party is just what it sounds like. Instead of focusing on the baby you focus on the mom. Make sure that she has everything that she needs to deal with life after the baby. Moms always get the short end.”

  “Ano
ther good idea, but I’m not sure that Suzi has all the stuff she needs. She has the big stuff, but I don’t think she has all the basic little stuff.”

  “Then you can have a diaper shower. That kind focuses on baby essentials.”

  “How do you know all this stuff? We’ve always done the same thing. A party at Mom’s house. Is everybody at your office pregnant or something?”

  “There has been a little bit of that, but to be honest, I’ve been doing a lot of research since I found out about Sinead. She’s so young. I’m not sure that she’ll want to do all the traditional stuff that Mom does, and I also think that maybe we should do more than one shower. One with just the O’Flynn types, the way we always do it, and one with her friends from school and Howard’s family. One, you know, from this century.”

  “Really?”

  “Don’t sound so disappointed. I know you’re a tradition addict, but Sinead isn’t, and that’s okay.”

  “But tradition is what anchors you. She’s going to need all the anchors she can find.”

  “No, Cara, tradition anchors you.”

  I didn’t say anything. I had the strangest feeling. That stupid voice in my head again. The one that’s like a radio turned down so that you can hear something, but you have no idea what you’re hearing.

  “Cara, are you okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You don’t look so good. Are you sure you are okay?”

  “There’s just this thing in the back of my head that I can’t get rid of.”

  “From when you got kicked? Does it hurt?”

  “No, on the inside of my head. Some little voice that’s always there, but I can’t hear. It’s driving me crazy.”

  “No need. Short distance. You can walk to crazy.”

  “It’s really starting to freak me out. I know there’s something going on, but I don’t know what it is. It’s like trying to remember a word you can’t find. Have you ever had that happen?”

  “Of course. Everybody has.”

  “Well, multiply that by about a gazillion. It’s so frustrating I want to punch someone.”

  “You want me to call Liam?”

  “Maybe later. For now, let’s stick to figuring out Suzi’s baby shower.”